she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
