Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
God I need to hump something, right now.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
