You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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