he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
