I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
