All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
