I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
wow bdsm is so cute
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
