I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
