whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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