He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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