remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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