I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
there is glitter all over my balls
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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