i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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