there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
