So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
