You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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