My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
