Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
