so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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