woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
