it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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