I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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