Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
