mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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