im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
