If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
