I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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