By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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