I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
