Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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