Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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