I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
