brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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