My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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