My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
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