I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
