I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Randomize
