I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Who died my cat blue again?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
