i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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