R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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