Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
