so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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