That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
