Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
