Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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