Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
