cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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