she was so not down for the gang bang
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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