So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
