i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
