Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
