I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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