Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
