dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
