Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
