so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
