You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
