I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
