I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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