woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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