I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize