i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
